A Sad, Sick, and Stressed Bun


Hello everyone,

If you haven’t already noticed, Bun Bun Makeup Tips was silent for the past two weeks. I want to express my heartfelt thanks to those who have left emails and messages via alternative channels to ask about my sudden absence. They acted as little boosters of happiness and I’m most grateful. We subscribe to so many blogs these days it’s hard to even make time to read every single one of them, so getting asked about my well-being by readers makes me feel… it’s a feeling beyond words. *sobs

Compared to some blogs who get updated like once a month, being away for two weeks doesn’t seem too long. But even at my busiest, I never used to go silent all of a sudden. At least a post or two would appear on the blog and I’d interact with readers in some way or other. This time though, you could almost hear the *POOF* loud and clear.

I was contemplating whether to share with you guys the reasons behind my absence or whether I should simply cover everything with a review or haul post some weeks later, pretending I was here and happy all along.

But you see, Bun Bun Makeup Tips is an extension of its owner – me – and since I put in heart to every post I write, it was hard to bring myself to do the latter. This is a blog, not a corporate website forgoodnesssake. BBMT has a soul!

A Sad Bun

A month ago, The Boyfriend and I went on vacation to Okinawa, Japan. It was our first time to Japan and the trip was a very precious one. It’s been a long while since we spent quality time together as his business requires him to work on average 14-hour days, and all seven days of the week. We went to Bali, Indonesia last November, but that was a short trip (though very relaxing) and we quarreled a lot.

Both of us enjoyed the Okinawa trip tremendously, the itinerary was great, food was excellent, and most importantly, we treasured every minute of spending in each other’s company. Okinawa is such a beautiful place, and is quite different from the rest of Japan. It felt more like Taiwan than what I had in impression of Japan, and is really geographically closer to Taiwan than mainland Japan. I took more than 700 photos for our 5-day trip!

Last weekend, my family and I went to attend my brother’s Basic Military Training Passing Out Parade. To make space for his parade photos and videos, I deleted all the photos in my SD card.

A week ago, I decided to do a blog post on my Okinawa trip and to the biggest shock of my life, found the folder I had named ‘Okinawa’ empty.


Even though I’ve viewed the photos countless times on my computer, I recalled that I was always reading from the SD card and had not transferred the photos to my computer.

I tried to stay calm so that I could think straight, but my heart was racing and threatening to shoot out of my esophagus. Scouring the web based on keywords ‘how to recover photos from reformatted SD card’, I found forums that recommended Cardraider (for mac only). I ran the demo version and it showed the photos it managed to recover. It wasn’t complete but I thought the fault lay with it being a demo version, so I didn’t take more than a minute to decide to throw money at the chance of getting all my photos recovered.

I usually don’t purchase software online like that. Not having bought a single iPhone app despite having owned 3GS and now 4S should give you an idea of just how anti-online-software purchasing I am.

When I ran the paid version, the same photos were recovered, only without the software’s logo. About 1000 photos were recovered. But out of the 700+ photos I took in Okinawa, only 151 were recovered (from the last day). Most of them are those I had deleted individually on the camera itself.

From the time I discovered the blunder until now, I have been feeling extremely guilty, my heart aches and tears swell unknowingly every time I think of my stupid mistake. Why had I not transferred the photos into my computer??

I usually would do the transfer right away but I had procrastinated because… I don’t know. I also kept assuming I had already done the transfer. I don’t know!!! I just know it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have deleted the photos and then took new photos; the video I took of the parade must have chewed off (overwrote) most of my Okinawa photos. In the first place though, I should have just transferred them.

My friend recommended another software Wondershare (mac version, windows version available too) but it gave similar results, worse actually. The demo version presented corrupted photos.

I had tried to keep the loss from The Boyfriend and thought I could put this unfortunate episode behind me with the successful recovery of the photos. But when all hope was gone, I told him about it as keeping it from him was killing me. But what happened after that killed me more. He was sad. The Boyfriend normally doesn’t give two hoots about photos. When we go out, I’d be all clickity-happy and he’d actually give me a quota for the number of photos I can take of us together. Like ‘5 for today’. Haha!

Anyway, his reaction towards the loss was what drove me to a downward spiraling emotional dive. They meant so much to him, and to see him sad about them gone made me feel ten thousand times more guilty and sorry. I couldn’t stop crying that night, and am tearing now too. It hurts more to see the person you love sad than it is to feel sad yourself.

Even though The Boyfriend has forgiven me and said ‘It’s alright, we can go another time’, this guilt will stay with me forever.

Why was Edison Chen able to retrieve all his scandal photos and I can’t recover my beautiful Okinawa photos??? How do the police recover deleted photos??

This guilt has been giving me many sleepless nights and swollen eyes. I know this can’t be as bad as having one’s wedding or honeymoon photos lost, like it did for my friend, but it still hurts. There is nothing I could do, but I still cannot get out of the shell of self-reproach.

A Sick Bun

On top of living with guilt hanging heavily on my shoulders, I’ve been laden with an insurmountable load of work since three weeks ago. Having embarked on a new career path, it’s been extremely challenging and there are just so many things to do and only one me that ‘feeling stressed’ is rather inadequate to describe my situation.

When I feel stressed, I reach for munchies – candy, chocolate (Nutella – OMG!), biscuits, chips, nuts. *Nom nom nom*

Too much of those finally resulted in a badly inflamed throat and fever.

A Stressed Bun

Work stress not only caused me to fall sick, it has also lost me some weight. It’s scary that I now weigh 42 kg. I was 44 kg last week, and about 45-46 kg before that. I now eat more than my normal intake, eat so much junk food, but am losing weight. So you can imagine just how much stress my body is suffering from. I’m so sorry, Body.

There are so many things I need to handle in my new job that I cannot sleep at night, nor in the day. Yes, I’d go without sleep for more than 24 hours, surviving on nothing more than pure adrenaline.

Sometimes my stomach hurts and I can almost hear their (the intestines and whatnot) cries of protest to let my body rest so that they can regenerate. But the mind doesn’t want to rest and when I force myself to go to bed, I’ll just lie there from 2am to 8am and then get up to do more work.

Stress from work coupled with stress and guilt from the loss of photos are the main motivators of the inability to sleep well and weight loss.

I believe the stress from work will decrease in time, as I get more accustomed to my work environment, job scope and the mad challenges. I believe it will only get better.

As for the photos, I don’t know. I can even remember the photos we took because I viewed them so many times, but they’re all just memories in my head, memories that will one day fade away. =’( Here we go again…

So as you can see, with all the above reasons, it was too difficult to put up any post or engage in any blogging activity. I could not possibly share my Okinawa makeup haul, show what makeup I packed for the trip, rave about a new smudgeproof eyeliner, do a makeup tutorial, or anything bright and cheery.

The skies over my head were dark grey and no amount of pink on Bun Bun Makeup Tips could cheer me up.

Being able to write this post somewhat reflects my gradual recovery from the depressing past two weeks. I think I would start with sharing with you guys the remnants of my Okinawa photos.

Please let me know if you have any other solutions to recover my lost photos. I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for making it this far down the post. I feel better already having written these down.





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About Bun Bun

Hello! My name is Juli and Bun Bun is my alter-ego. I blog to share my love for makeup, how to apply it, and what works or what doesn’t work, all from an Asian perspective.

My first makeup product was a shimmery light blue lipstick which I proudly wore all over my eyelids and lips. It cost $2.50, felt like $250, and made me feel like a million bucks.

  • Sunny

    Awww Juli, I’m so sorry to hear about the photos :( I really hope you’ll find a way to recover them, and your boyfriend will go easier on you. It wasn’t your fault you know. We’ve all been a little less careful than usual in life. You didn’t deserve that much guilt and sadness.

    Relax, try to eat healthy, and I really hope you’ll recover soon OK? I’m still talking you all over the place, so rest assured you have a loyal fan in me!

    Sunny xx

    • Bun Bun

      Thanks for your loyalty, Sunny! I’m recovering well, as you can see! 😀

  • annick

    I noticed you were gone!!! I know how devastating it can be to lose all of your photos, and people will be like “Just take new ones” but it’s not the same!

    • Bun Bun

      YA!!! It’s really not the same. My mum and The Boyfriend also said we can always go back, but it’s just not the same, especially when our itinerary was really quite unique. How to book a whole island by ourselves?! Haha! Everything will look and feel different the second time, even though it’s still an experience. I do hope to go back to Okinawa some time in the future becoz it’s such a beautiful place. Thanks for noticing my absence too! Makes me feel wanted. Heeheee

  • Lisa

    Hi there, I have no idea how to recover photos but truly feel you are going through some bad times in life. Just want you to stay strong and I am sure all your readers over here as well hope you will emerge from these challenges stronger than ever. Take care.

    • Bun Bun

      Awwww thanks Lisa! I guess when I’ve run the SD card through three different recovery software and they all give the same results, hope is probably as small as my baby finger. Fortunately, with all my awesome readers’ encouragement, like you :) , I think I have recovered well enough. Check out my Okinawa trip post!

  • Virginia

    I feel for you about the photos. I’ve had our current computer for about 4 years ( since before my daughter was born) . And every few months I would clear off my sd cards and move her precious baby photos to the computer ..assuming they’d be safe and sound. Till a few months ago when the husband managed to get a virus that wiped out EVERYTHING on the computer..including my daughters pics (3.5 yrs of photos!) . I cried long and hard for hours. Yes…I had lived through her infancy ..but those days and nights are fuzzy now ( and I was sleep deprived then ). He managed to save some…but not all. So I definitely feel your pain. Know you’re not alone..and I look forward to you posting! Even if it’s not makeup related..blogs are extensions of us. They’re a great way to reach out. Soon your days will be sunny and happy again. No worries!

    • Bun Bun

      Hello Virginia,

      I was SOOOOOOO sad for you when I read your comment! To lose the most precious growing up moments of your baby must have been devastating. I can totally relate to the crying long and hard for hours part. Feeling suddenly empty and lonely. :( Thank you so much for sharing your experience, that helped me a lot in facing the reality that the photos are never coming back. I hope you feel better already too. Time really lessens the pain, even though we might not entirely forget.

      I’m so glad I have a blog to pour out and share what I was going through. Receiving such love and support from my readers played a large part in my recovery. I agree our blogs are extensions of us! And thank you so much for reading too! :)

      • Virginia

        The pain of losing the photos is over. Eventually I realized that they were gone, and that I’ll have to be more careful. Now I’m so paranoid I save the pictures to disk every month or so. Even though you dont have the pictures, you do still have the memory, and the expirience. Time heals all wounds!

  • Jyoan

    I understand how you feel. I lost my entire 16gb handphone worth of photos because by mistake, I pressed “delete” on my own photos when I really wanted to press “copy”. Yeah, stupid right.

    And if you lost your photos, I lost my engagement diamond ring. And I lost a Nikon camera my bf gave me for my birthday, yeah. Not trying to compare who made worst mistakes. But what I am trying to say is, bf and I got married, he got me a much larger wedding ring. I felt so bad about the camera, I saved up to get my own. And he forgave me too.

    My work also made me lose like 6 kg since January. But yeah, I tend to choose real life over blogging and there were times real life was just too hectic that I took long breaks from blogging. Sometimes, people can’t have the cake and eat it all at once. =) live and let live, life will be much happier. Just always put in your 110% in everything you do, you wouldn’t regret (which I believe you do).

    • Bun Bun

      I’m very afraid of doing that too!! Sometimes I’m just one tap away from deleting the photos or info on my iPhone. It’s scary!

      Hahaha, I think we are both quite careless with our possessions! I’ve lost many things given by The Boyfriend – diamond necklace, camera, discman, mp3… He forgave me eventually (what to do??) but was of course angry when I lost them. I actually told him I don’t want a super big engagement or wedding ring for fear of misplacing it. :(

      Thank you Jyoan for believing in me, that I put in 100% to what I do. This time my ‘real life’ was simply too overwhelming with emotions that I found it hard to write anything happy in my blog. So I stopped and that hiatus was good! I’ve bounced back! I hope your work is more stable and less stressful now. Losing 6kg is shocking!

  • Sarah

    I was wondering what happened to you! I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through such a rough time. Don’t be your hard on yourself! The fun you had and your health are more important than the photos, in my opinion. Please take care! We’re all here rooting for you. :)

    • Bun Bun

      Thanks for thinking of me Sarah! Yup, I can only count on the few pictures I have and my bad memory of happy times. Knowing I had all your love and support helped me pull through!

  • Caroline

    Juli, I am so sorry to hear of all this. I had noticed you were missing and it was during the time I spent 2 weeks in Singapore for work. My relaxation at night was to read make-up blogs on my enormous bed at the Shangri-La Hotel. Unfortunately I have no suggestions to retrieve the photos, hey, we all make mistakes! You said the memories of your trip will fade but they will always be with you as memories even if they do become a little blurry. Try and relax and focus on the positives in your life and not dwell on the negatives – wow, I sound like a mother :) I think it is therapeutic for you to ‘let it out’ as you have done with telling your story. Holding all that stress inside is not good, missed you and look forward to reading your future blogs. Take Care!

    • Bun Bun

      First of all, welcome to Singapore!!! 😀 I hope you enjoyed your stay and the fabulous enormous Shangri-La Hotel bed.

      Thank you for your words of encouragement and you sound like a good friend! 😀 Yes, I agree it was very therapeutic to write a post out of my experience. I originally wanted to just share with my readers the reasons for my sudden absence, but didn’t know that while writing (and crying), I felt better already. That was the last time I cried over it. Still sad, but no more despair. And then receiving all these notes of love and encouragement, wow, the recovery was amazing!

      Thanks for taking time to read and comment, Caroline!

  • miss FD

    I hope you are okay get well soon!*gives hug*i know what are you going though but,remember the bright side of things even if you feel the weight of the world.
    At least you will always remember that trip even if you forget it still is in your heart.
    Best wishes!

    • Bun Bun

      Thanks for the hug, miss FD! So warm and consoling. Really appreciate your words of encouragement. :)

  • Blur Kat

    Take care bun bun, some moments are best treasured and remembered when short lived. I’m sure this experience will be remembered via feelings rather than thru physical pictures. And will urge u and the bf to have another trip like this again. so keep smiling! =)

    • Bun Bun

      Okie la! I reply you liao ma! Don’t say I ‘dao’ anymore. HAHAHA! I hope I can hang on to the feelings and luckily I do have some pictures, enough to make another post. Must read okie? 😀

  • Recherche

    Oh no :( *hug* It must have been hard on you for so many things to weigh on your mind like that. I know it sounds cliché, but I really hope you’ll cheer up and in time, new experiences and photos will help you feel better! And yes, the trip will always be dear to your heart and those memories are worth more than photos <3 Please also take care of your health alright? If you're not in good health it wouldn't help your mood. Good luck with your job, and keep posting, because you're an awesome blogger <3

    • Bun Bun

      Exactly! Health is the most important. Without it, nothing really matters. Thing is, more often than not, we only care about our health when we get sick. Lol.

      Thank you for cheering me up with your words! I can feel the sincerity and concern behind them. 😀 And thanks for saying I’m an awesome blogger!! *tries to dance in her chair*

  • Ling

    You poor gal!!!! *hugs* I know exactly how you are feeling because I managed to delete ALL the photos from my Florida trip!! I went with my sister and we went to Disneyland and Seaworld to see Shamu…but with one click of a button, it was ALL gone!!! :( But as long as you have memories :)

    Hopefully you will be able to de-stress and enjoy your new job too.


    • Bun Bun

      OH NO!!!! Disneyland and Seaworld!! All these picture-happy places! 😯 You must have been very sad too.

      Sometimes I wish we were all still using those old cameras where there was no delete button, and you had to make a trip down to the photo shop to have the film roll developed. I’m gonna make sure I send whatever photos I have left of my Okinawa trip to the printing shop. Hard copies are still the best.

  • Christine

    Juli, I hope you feel better soon! Do your best to stay healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally, and remember that everything else is secondary. Love and forgive yourself.

    • Bun Bun

      Thanks Christine for your words of comfort and encouragement. Yes, nothing matters quite as much as health – in all forms – and we all need a short break sometimes to recharge! :) Thank you for standing by me.

  • Christina

    Hi Juli, I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I too, lost photos when I was traveling overseas. However, the photos were deleted straight from the camera (many thanks to my dad) so I didn’t even get to see them. I hope you’ll recover and be chirpy again. Don’t feel guilty!

    • Bun Bun

      I’m sorry to hear about your loss too, Christina. :(

      Yup, I’m recovering quite well, enough to share with you all my Okinawa trip in a new post! 😀 That’s also part of the recovery process, I guess. Letting it all out.

  • Sarah

    Hey Bun, I honestly feel your pain…and I don’t say that lightly. I lost an ENTIRE harddrive’s worth of photos before. My harddrive just went d-e-a-d. Nothing anyone can do about it, and not even one single photo was restored. That was at least SEVEN years’ photos, all gone.

    I was so upset at myself that I didn’t want to talk to anyone for weeks and just basically wanted to crawl to a corner and cry myself to sleep. No comforting words manage to make me feel better. Only time will heal the pain.

    I’m so sorry for your lost.

    • Bun Bun

      SEVEN! Goodness….. Did you print out any photos? Since this incident, I’m more determined to have some photos printed out. I’ve always preferred hard copies and have quite a few thousand printed out but not sorted. They’re all in one big plastic bag, but at least I know they’re safe from any technological faults. They’re from 2008 – 2010. I should start on 2011 and 2012.

      To have seven years worth of pictures gone… must have been devastating.. You’re so strong to have emerged from that and be able to share your experience and encourage me! Thank you so much! I hope time has healed your wounds too. *sayang

  • Harima

    Hon…photos are just photos…it’s more important all the memories you and you boyfriend have…so please don’t be sad anymore! and try to relax a little bit uh! and…could you give me the Nutella :p i’ll do it for you

    • Bun Bun

      Hahaha! You’re so funny, Harima! Nutella is awesome!

      I hope I will remember as much as possible of our trip from the limited photos I still have left. I tried to write as much details as possible on the next post too so that I can rely on that for the lack of photos. :)

  • San

    O poor thing! I know how you must feel and I did a similar thing with a big chunk of my LA honeymoon photos … (guess you can take comfort in that eh?).

    The wonderful thing about memories is that you can ALWAYS forge new ones. Chin up, and I hope to read your posts more often too! I recently intro-ed a colleague to your blog, as my inspiration to majorly update my makeup pouch! 😉

    • Bun Bun

      No, no, how can I take comfort in your loss?! Honeymoon photos are so precious! To be able to write me this comment to encourage me shows just how brave and strong you are! :) So did you really go back to LA to take similar photos?

      Thanks for introducing your colleague to my blog. I hope she likes it as much as you do, San!

  • a!k0

    Aww dear…I am sorry to hear about the photos. I know I would’ve been devastated too if it happen to me. I guess theres no way to say this or make you feel better but it happens. :) And I am sure your bf forgave you…and he knows it wasnt your fault. And OMG you lost so much weight in so little time :( I hope you get a lot of rest and I know how work can be. Take care of yourself ok girl? I was wondering what happened to you. At least I know you are recovering (I hope!!) . Get a lot of rest. :) I hope to read more from you when you recover.

    Hugs and kisses. Get well soon!


    • Bun Bun

      Hey a!k0! Thanks for dropping by and giving me words of comfort! I’m feeling better now. That short break helped me to rearrange my thoughts and settle my emotions. So I’m feeling recharged and ready to blog again! YAYYYY! 😀

  • BooBooNinja

    Oh Juli,
    I hope hope hope that things work out. :(

    • Bun Bun

      Thank you for the hug BooBooNinja! *hugs back

  • Jenny

    Hi Juli! I found your blog and started to read some of your tutorials today and stumbled upon this update. I’m so very sorry to hear about your lost photos. I wanted to let you know that I’m excited that I found your blog. Thank you for sharing so much with the world, from makeup tutorials to personal hardships. I think we can all relate. I wish you all the best, dear Juli! <3

    • Bun Bun

      Thank you for stumbling upon my blog and liking what I have written, Jenny! It’s a pity you caught me when I was sad, but I’m recovering well! You can check out my new post on the Okinawa trip. 😀 Hope to see you around!

  • sandrine

    Oh Juli,
    I’m so sorry to read that. Hopefully you will find a way to recover your photos but anyway, the memories of your trip will always be with you and your boyfriend.
    Kisses from Paris xo

    • Bun Bun

      Thanks sandrine! I shall never use that SD card again, just hoping that one day there will be a way to retrieve overwritten photos. I wonder how the police manage to recover all deleted and overwritten information.